2016 is shaping up to be a "crushing the shit out of my comfort zones" kind of year. Diggin' it.

:)

I think it must have been 2009 that my mom told me that if I couldn't give her a daughter back, I shouldn't buy her any more Mother's Day gifts.

I wonder if I would still have a family if I had chosen to continue transitioning. I wonder what I would have.

Somehow everything that has happened this year has been BIG. When stuff is bad I want to say "FUCK THIS YEAR, 2012 can suck my balls!" But the good stuff has been pretty large too ( Read more... )

So something we talked about in therapy last night is how I, like my father, tend to put situations and emotions and reactions "on the shelf" or in "lockdown" in order to not deal with it. I claim that I will deal with it later and then never do (or at least not usually). It's not even blinders, per se, just..."I don't know how to deal with this, ( Read more... )

Things are well ( Read more... )

I feel like a shitty friend because I just never want to see people. I never have the time or the energy, or if I have one I cannot muster the other. I've been so depressed lately, and hyper-anxious. Everything is a huge deal. My stomach is constantly in knots...I can never tell anymore if I'm hungry, full, or just quietly freaking out ( Read more... )

If anyone has missed my updates, I apoligize. I've moved somewhat more into paper journaling of late, because typing for an audience is leaving me with blue balls as far as actually expressing certain feelings or thoughts ( Read more... )

Oof. So today is my day off, but instead of sleeping in I am awake with a UTI. :( Boooooo. I crawled out of bed like 10 times between 4 and 7 this morning. I hate UTIs. So now I'm in a hoodie and Jon's PJ pants, drinking large mugs of tea and Internetting away while Mad Dog sleeps on the couch beside me. That at least is not so bad.

( This update has been long in coming, and so I shall spare your f'list. )

I had a great time at Pride today. Something kind of big happened.


( Read more... )

Welp.
There it is.
Choices made, decisions done.

All I want is to not hear "I told you so" later on.